Its not easy to break an investment !

"Its not easy to break an investment" said a friend. 

An instant supremely convinced answer came from inside - O yes, most certainly & most definitely.

But the question that bogged me was "What is that investment that I am talking about?" and at the end of the day what is the return that I am really looking forward to ? What is the negotiation all about?

At the level of my mind i.e the thoughts, the question is in some form of a funny technical evaluation. At the level of my heart i.e the emotions, it is in some form of an emotional evaluation.

Starting from each moment of sacrifices made, precious time spent, trust entrusted, support extended, extra mile taken, to the most sacred investment of 'emotions exchanged' everything is an investment that has gone it to it. And when so many things have been put in to something, its but natural that it becomes the most precious thing and hence the question - is it really going to be easy to break it ... obviously not. Breaking it down can tear you apart. 

Further, for any investment done the general expectation is a good return. But the question here is what am I expecting in return of this investment that I have done over these years. Is it a life time companionship? Is it a life time social / emotional / financial security? Is it a life time guarantee of love ? Or what is it ?

"The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly - you usually don't use it at all. It uses you" .... haha .... so rightly says Tolle in his book "Power of Now".

The MIND as we all know it by its nature is supremely evaluative and keeps a count of every single penny. But on the contrary, the heart is one sweet little thing that we humans have got as a blessed gift. And because they are so opposite in nature the two dont don't get along and because they don't get along we pay the price. 

So if I evaluate from my mind then the day the returns stop coming in - I will stop investing. But if I do the evaluation from my heart my investment would continue whether I get my desired return or not coz at the end of the day the real ROI is a contented, happy peaceful guilt free sleep as breaking an investment is certainly not easy :)

Mirror Mirror who is prettier !

Whenever there comes a reference of a mirror, the first thing that comes to my mind is the fascinating childhood fairy tale "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" 

The story of Snow White is not a simple story. Its a classic example of how we are so fond of seeking affirmations for our self worth. Like in the story the step mother of Snow White could not appreciate and recognize the beauty in other woman. For her she was the only one mattered. She needed this magic mirror to affirm her dignity and beauty daily. The only answer she was satisfied with is "self". So she constantly asked "Mirror Mirror who is prettier?"

But why did she do this ? Why wasn't she convinced and felt the need to check daily ? Why did she feel the need of that daily appreciation and affirmation that she was the prettiest ?

So many times I wonder - Was the step mother the only one who wanted this affirmation ? Isn't she just like one of us ?

Arguably so - We  all are the same. Invariably we have all been there. We do look in to the mirror to see what we want to see. We do compare ourselves with others and seek a silent affirmation of being better than others, We do in many ways make an attempt to prove ourselves how much better we are than them ... even sometimes to the point of bringing others down - not a great idea of course.

Quiet a few times I do wonder to myself what if this universe had no reflective surfaces, What if there were no mirrors ? What if we dint know how we looked like ? What if we did not have anyone reconfirming to us what we wanted to hear for ourselves OR What if we had mirrors that were like scanners which only showed us the internal affairs and told us whats really going on ....  

HA HA HA HA 

Most often we look at the mirror and strike an instant connect with our alter ego and we smile ! In every interaction, we subconsciously explore every possibility of seeking a validation of our perfect making and reassuring ourselves of being the best, somewhere deliberately suppressing and avoiding our "self - referral" system, that we all have inside us, which keeps popping up at every odd minute.  

But guys .. hold on ... a warm assurance .. this does not make us EVIL at all . Its just being human. The construction of we humans are that way. We all have an innate desire in us to be known, respected, loved and wanted. Unfortunately, we sometimes, in our ignorance get carried away a bit too far and in the process of seeking to fulfill these desires we adopt unhealthy ways.

Let’s not be like the stepmother in Snow White. 

Lets not forget we all are also made up of beautiful hearts which helps us in bringing the other side to our personality. Instead of the physical mirror we can have our private moments with that inner mirror which is inside all of us silently smiling and watching everything but not saying a word. It only speaks up when we decide to spend some time with it. More and more we start spending time with this little inner mirror, more and more it starts talking to us and very lovingly making us realize how truly beautiful and pretty we all are. 

This is something that we need to remind ourselves daily. With this post I want to take your attention to all those qualities which make you truly beautiful and pretty. I request you to attend to yourself, concretely, quietly and reflectively. I urge to withdraw yourself completely from the external influences and delve within and discover your own potentiality of being.

Trust me it will go without saying "You are the most beautiful - The prettiest - The best "

Privilege of being a "Woman"

What a powerful realization  ...

Just heard Sushmita Sen's talk few days back ... bowled over completely :)
Hats off to you lady for your heart wrenching speech at the "Save and Empower the girl child Campaign Fashion Show" - You were simply awesome !

The age of the Aquarius is on its way by December 2012 ... is how she starts. Explaining further she says the age of Aquarius is when women will rise. It is the time when we will come to the awareness of female strength. This powerful opening statement was more than enough for my eyebrows to raise and my eyes getting glued to the screen awaiting anxiously for her next line.

She continues ... 

there is a reason why the law of nature says to you I will not let you choose - when you become pregnant you will not know / you shouldn't if its a girl / boy.  That is the law's nature of keeping the balance between the nurturer and the provider. And if we kill the nurturer life will stop to exist the way we see it. If we kill the girl child we kill the womb of the universe. 

How beautiful and how wonderful a thought is that. 

The PRAKRITI - mother of the entire cosmos - takes a birth with a girl child. While I write this I get the goosebumps - realizing what a power it is that we all women carry - the power of nurturing LIFE ...  'WOW' :)

Modern science has reached the moon and beyond but has not reached till date even close to a good answer to the question - where does life come from ? Medical science confirms that a baby's heart starts beating 18 days from conception - but the puzzle to solve here is how does an organ of a poppy seed size just suddenly bursts in to life by spontaneously contracting, triggering its neighboring cells and setting off a chain reaction until all the heart cells are beating and then the rest of the organs start forming slowly and slowly. On a spiritual understanding it is not just simple a body of bones, muscles and blood - it is LIFE. 

Isnt it just magical - "pure magic" and nothing else to put it in one word. 

My complete surrender to that energy, to that power and to the women who have the blessings to be born with the womb that brings life on earth. 

In pursuit of happiness ...

... is the thought that we all lead our entire life with. But more often than not we fail to answer the question when asked "What is happiness for you?"

If there's one thing that can be said about happiness, it's that it's wholly and utterly subjective. We all have our own understanding to it and its arguably true that it is always one to his own and we try and give the most satisfying answer for that moment. What makes one person happy -- picking flowers on a sunny day, perhaps -- may make another person decidedly unhappy ... HAHAHA :)

Surprisingly enough how much deep we go convinced with our own definition at that particular moment these definitions keep changing with time. Yesterday I was happy because I had my favorite ice cream and today I am not because perhaps I don't know what will make me happy and further more thats because guess I don't know what is happiness ! :( I wonder why is there no permanency in the definition. 

Studies show one of the main reason of not being able to find a good if not perfect answer to this question is not understanding the meaning of this thing called HAPPINESS in the first place :)

As I grow in this area, I realize how true it is. Sometimes "Selfishness" brings happiness and sometimes "Selflessness" brings happiness. But in both cases the word "SELF" holds its own firm significance. Its like, to be CAREFUL or be CARELESS or be CAREFREE one needs to first understand the word "CARE' :) 

Interestingly enough, studies demonstrate a strong link between Self and Happiness. Spending some time on a daily note with "SELF" for the cultivation of few “sacred moments” in daily life, whether through writing or introspecting or daily spiritual exercises like meditation, has been associated with finding that lost connect with SELF and hence one's own HAPPINESS. 

As a last exercise for the day before winding up, opening my heart out in that small little diary of mine and confiding in my silence with my pen brings in the connect to the lost self and broadening my own understanding to life. In this process the thoughts start getting purified every time and the connection starts rebuilding. Scientifically proved studies show that these practices help us move inward and thus provide us with changed perspective, positivity and a deeper sense of meaning towards life and hence towards a clear picture and understanding of my own Happiness. 

Wishing all dear friends a beautiful journey  in their own pursuit of happiness :) 

Oh my god I could do it

Few days back read a beautiful article entitled - "The Purpose of Yoga is to Get Out of My Own Way" and as my learning and practice sessions continue I realize how correct it is.

I joined Morarji Institute of Yoga, New Delhi, last month. The first real yoga that I did was the marathon I had on the day of registration. The institute is a government body but to my surprise the "chalta hai" attitude wasn't working. People at the center were strict. 

I pay Rs.25/- and get my forms. The person at the counter gave me the form saying "Read the instructions well written behind the form and submit it along with all supporting documents and the fees by 5pm". I take a seat on one of the chairs put aside, keep my bag on the floor and flip the pages. The first thing I notice in the instruction list was the submission of school / college certificate along with 2 passport size photographs. I go to the desk and check if I could submit it later". The answer was "You have time till 5pm, else your form stands rejected ". I see my watch - it was 2 in the afternoon. It was a hot humid summer day of May in Delhi and I stayed in Faridabad. I was sure I would not be able to do it but something inside said "No harm giving it a try". I had no vehicle with me - so took the metro - reached home - took my certificates out - realized no photocopies - rushed to the photocopier - walking half a kilometer in the hot sun - got the copies made - took an auto to the nearest photo studio - which was another 2 kms away - requested for a quick shot which looked horrible but still recognizable - took the shared auto to the metro station - got in to the train - reached the other end of the station - took an auto again - and reached the center at 4:50pm - Phewwww what a run !.

The man at the counter looked at me - looked at the watch - and said - "we have closed the counter". Started the second round - fought with him - requested him - pleaded him - and then he says "Ok give it to me". 

With a sigh of relief I hand him my papers - along with copies of my certificates - my photographs - and my fees. The receipt and the registration card gave me a feeling of winning a gold medal after an Olympics realizing "Oh my god, I could do it ! "

First day First class First instruction - "The classes will start sharp at 3:30 sharp. Arriving at 3:31 also, will not be allowed in". I had opted for the evening classes thinking it will be easier as compared to the 6 am classes but I was mistaken - even reaching on time at 3:30 was a challenge. After a full month of the course, the attendance sheet showing no late marks came again as a feel good thing and a self pat realizing "Oh my god, I could do it !"

The next round of challenges came in with the aasanas. My first reaction was "Ok,will I be able to do it?"

Th first set of asanas that I learnt was few breathing techniques. For the first time I became aware that only one of my nostrils was operational meaning I was inhaling and exhaling from one only side of my nose and the other side was completely blocked. I thought to myself "No wonder I went through all that rounds of headache, heaviness etc." 

Form then on, every step, every pose and every asana started with a self doubt "Will I be able to do it ? " and then moving on to all the self pity things - my injuries, my thoughts, my actions, my inaction's, my failures, my limitations and then concluding on all my feelings and judgments about my own limitations.  

In the process I realized two things that my unawareness of my own body was my first obstacle in the way of good health followed with my judgments. 

But slowly and gradually as I started growing with the practice of yoga, I understood the significance to be aware of my own "Self", my own "Body", my own "Mind" and my own "Judgments" about almost on all of it at all times and kick them out one-by-one, patiently & lovingly. 

If I look back, me making it from Ashoka Road, New Delhi to Faridabad up and down in public transport, in 2 hours, managing all the jobs in between, Passing out without a single late red mark attendance and then now being able to do all asanas in the perfect manner was something that was only possible by fighting against all the things that came my way. 

True is the statement from the article : 

“Yoga is not about doing the asanas—it’s about un-doing what’s in the way of the asanas.” by Rebecca Lammers. 

As I grow I am getting carved for better tomorrows !

"Have you ever seen a tree going ambitiously crazy, jumping around the globe and madly running in haste for fulfilling its materialistic and emotional needs" asked the Monk.

Come to think of it, this is so true. It did ring a bell in my mind and pushed me to think a bit. 
What am I actually running after ? What do I want ? What am I chasing ? Why am I running from pillar to post  morning to night ?

If I look back I realize today I have flown far from my nest. I have traveled enough, achieved enough and enjoyed enough the fancy glories of the world. Now I choose to walk slow and peaceful. I don't want to fly over the Indian ocean or cross the pacific anymore, don't want to cross boundaries and fences to check the other side, don't want to jump from the highest cliff ... but ... just stay put ... and ... be a caterpillar who gets into its own chrysalis, undergoing its own charismatic transformation to become a butterfly one day with beautiful wings to explore the world.

This may sound absolute crazy a thing to some but I am sure it would be beautiful to be actually like the tree. Right was the dear Monk friend. Standing peacefully simply witnessing the spring and the fall is no harm. There is really no hurry/haste/anxiety/craziness/madness/impatience/fear/ insecurity for anything. All that is needed to be done is to simply stay composed, stay calm and stay centered. 

This surely does not seem practically feasible for the overactive mind. Thinking and worrying is its nature. But then who is this who is creating the nuisance inside. On one hand my mind has all the Knowledge / Information / Intelligence and the attitude of "know it all" but on the other hand it has a strong sense of refusal too to its own knowledge / Information/ Intelligence. It is this very gap between the "All knowing" attitude and the "Refusal" creates the trouble.

If there is a chaos inside because of this gap then can we safely conclude that there is a separate somebody else that is ruling us every hour every minute and every second. But hold on, is it anything new that we don't know. We all know that we are a set of Body, Mind and Soul and very much aware of our true nature ie the nature of our soul residing within but still we come under the influence of our mind and it never fails to execute its power / dominance over us.

Identification with our mind creates an illusion of definitions that block all our true understandings and realizations. This comes between you and yourself, between you and your people around and so much so that it comes between you and your own true self also. It is this layer of ignorance that creates the illusion of separateness, the fear, the false worldly desires, the outwardly projections etc. Under its grip one then forgets the essential fact that underneath the level of all physical appearances and separate forms, we are one with all that is. 

But as I grow in my own inner journey and growth I realize the secret to my own peace and inner joy is in the awareness and acceptance of the fact "I am That". Understanding this simple fact true to its meaning is not only the end of suffering and of continuous conflict inside-out but also the end of the dreadful enslavement to incessant thinking as explained beautifully in the works of enlightened masters like Sri Ramana Maharishi, Nisargadutta Maharaj, Papaji and so on. 

If "I am That", then why am I going under the grip of my mind so many times a day. Why do I tend to forget the true identity of mine, the true nature of mine and the true existence of mine and just be the silent witness to every season of my life.  

This is just the beginning and there is definitely a long way to go. Its taking time but over years I can see the changes in me which gives me the assurance that I am being carved for better tomorrows :).