Fake it till you make it

Ha ha Aristotle started it all. He had said to be a virtuous man, you must first act like a virtuous man, and he was an intelligent man .. must say. 

I had heard people say it but I never believed in it and so never gave it the right weightage. My face was an exact reflection of my mental state. If I was upset my face would say it. If I tensed and worried my face would say. If I was happy my face would say until one day I realised I was becoming such an obvious factor. In addition I also realized I hardly smiled because 90% of the times I would either remain sad or tensed or worried or irritated or upset about something or the other. All started noticing this and commenting on it. I kind of not liked it. I thought to myself why should the world know my state of mind. So, in order to hide my state of mind, I started faking a funny smile at others so much so that I faked a smile at times when smile had no business in my life. With this, one good thing started happening, I started getting compliments for my smiles and started getting replaced to the comments. I started looking happy and joyful. The outer expression started impacting my inner world and I actually started remaining happy and joyful. Then I realized oh wow it seemed to be working ;). I started faking more smiling faces and more happy looks. 

Then slowly and gradually, just for the fun of it, I started faking on many other things. The more I faked the more I was getting convinced that it was working on me. For eg: I had fallen in to the practice of thinking negative. But I knew that if somebody would know my thoughts they would comment and so to hide my negative thoughts, I started faking positive thoughts. Two things started happening - One, my folks started complimenting on my thoughts and citing me as an example for positive thinking and second, my thoughts actually started bringing in positive results because as they say Universe always takes things on face value only. 

My ability of faking started becoming more frequent. I started faking almost on everything that I wanted to do but I was not being able to do it in real life for some reason, like building that inner confidence, living the happy state of mind within, taking everything in positive stride so on and so forth. I had my own reactions and secret confessions to that. 

Then one day I realized faking was not helping in the long run and perhaps it was wrong to fake a false thing and I should not be doing it. So I stopped faking. I was sure people would get to know my real nature and they would again start passing comments and judging me. But to my surprise came in no comments but all complimentary things. On introspection I realised, I actually was doing a lot of things which I wasn't doing earlier. In the process of faking, the subconscious mind had started picking it up as its own nature and now by default it was no more a fake .. I could actually make it. 

Without any debate I admitted there is a great benefit in faking and yes Aristotle was right - to be a virtuous man, you must first act like a virtuous man. Today modern science admits it and the notion is used in cognitive behavioural therapy (changing behaviour patterns). So yes Fake it till you Make it ... ha ha :) 

Mind - My enemy, My friend

Mind can be the enemy and mind can also be the friend. It is the mind that binds and it is the mind that liberates. When the mind is attached to objects, which are transitory and impermanent, is the mind that is your enemy. This is the mind that binds. But a mind that does not abide anywhere, on any object, is a mind that is your friend. This is the mind that liberates. 

Knowingly or Unknowingly, all of us are struggling to deal with it. One second the mind remains here then the other second it is somewhere else breaking our mind into pieces. Till the time it is in pieces and the pieces are in continuous mutual conflict, peace remains far from us and we are always in a state of chaos, leading to nothing but unhappiness. It is only when we learn to put these pieces together so as to make the mind whole and integrated, that we gain the gift of liberation.

Be it the sages and rishis and enlightened masters like Buddha, Vivekanand, Ramana Mahrishi, Nisargadutta Maharaj to name a few, they all have to say the same. But there is also no surprises to the fact that Mind is the most notorious thing to handle. Having said so, the rishis have also said that it is difficult but not impossible to control the mind. 

However, Patanjali, the great master of the Yoga-system, calls these pieces of the mind as vrittis, modifications, which are ever arising and never subsiding. Only when these vritis are controlled, suppressed and eliminated through the science of Yoga ie the right kind of discipline and training, can the liberated state of mind be achieved. When we set into the practice of YOGA, the mind plays a role there too. Patanjali, has divided these hindering factors as "antarayas"(intruders in the path of yoga) and "viksepasahabhuvah"(co-existing with mental distraction). The antarayas are nine: Vyadhi(disease), styana(mental laziness), samsaya(doubt), pramada (heedlessness), alasya(physical laziness), avirati(absence of dispassion), bhrantidar-sana(false perception), alabdha-bhumi-katva(non-attainment of yogic states) and anavasthitatva (falling away from yogic states when obtained). To these nine obstacles, Patanjali adds further five more, classifying them separately as a second group -"viksepasahabhuvah". If these exist they are immediately and invariably followed by mental distraction. They are namely : duhkha(sorrow), daurmanasya (despondency), angamejayatva (restlessness of limbs), svasa(forcible inhalation), prasvasa(forcible exhalation). 

In addition to this, Patanjali has also further explained the 5 Kleshas that are considered as the root cause of all of our pain and suffering in this human experience. According to Patanajali’s Yoga Sutras, there are 5 main afflictions or kleshas and these are Avidya(Ignorance), Asmita (Egoism), Raga(Attachment), Dwesha(Aversion) & Abhidvesa (Fear of any change specially death).

However, inspite of all the obstacles and hinderances and problems of the mind, Patanjali suggests one clear way to remove all these is Meditation and Devotion to the supreme power under the path of Bhakti as also mentioned in Bhagwad Geeta under the Bhakti Yog where in he says to surrender to him our every thought, word and deed. While practicing meditation, one important step is "Pratyahara" which is withdrawal of senses from the world outside and keeping them under the control of the mind. At this stage "Dharana" which means fixing your attention on a particular object (middle of the eyebrows, tip of the nose or external objects like light or any image of the lord etc). At thisstate however, there is still the consciousness of the trio - The ego sense, the object of meditation and the process of meditation. When Dharna ripens, the flow of the thought becomes unbroken and it becomes "Dhyana". When dhyana again goes into deep state, the mind gets so absorbed in the object of meditation that it looses its own identity and awareness and this state is know as "Samadhi". In this state, the mind is so deeply absorbed that even the ego-sense is completely subjugated. This state is such an intuitive and super-conscious experience that the yogi starts getting revealed of the cosmic secrets and gaining the knowledge of the "Self"  as the means of liberation. 

Meeting self is less of a struggle today !

As I grow I can clearly see the distinct difference between Freedom Within and Freedom Outside that runs parallel to every action.

As a child I was never held back to anything. My grand parents and parents were traditional but believed in giving complete freedom to our upbringing. I was given the complete freedom to choose every aspect of my life - the subjects that I want to pick for my studies, the career I chose, the guy whom I chose to get married, The hobbies I wanted to pursue, the places I wanted to visit, the dresses I wore. There was complete freedom in everything. Inspite of that, I realized a chained life. I was chained to my own thoughts, my own mind. 

I was always under the grip of my mind. Chain of thoughts continued without a break. I was always either in the past or the future, never in the present. Inspite of having everything that I could wish for a good life, I was never happy. The unhappiness raised to such great heights that I fell into a depression trap. I started falling physically sick, remaining mentally lost and emotionally low with the palpitation scores always remaining on the higher count. Tears used to just roll down without any reason. Thousand questions blasting in my mind like thousand atom bombs exploding every minute. I had started distancing away from everyone and remaining in my own silo. My restlessless was increasing and patience and concentration were completely lost and irritation and anger was at peak.  I had lost the pleasure and fun of life.

Until one day, I realized the life I was leading was not a normal life. I knew medical treatment was not answer. Few chemical pills will not cure me. I knew there was something much beyond. And there started my quest. I started looking for answers to the obvious human mind questions. Nothing could give me the solution I was looking for. 

Finally, it was like the universe heard me and it seemed apparent that the universe wanted me to go through process of heavy grilling to carve me to a good shape. It was an intelligently designed plan. Gradually and slowly, things started changing in my life on its own. My circle of friends changed, my selection of books, movies, plays changed, my subjects of discussion changed. I started following my daily practice of Yoga, Meditation, Prayers or Chants and participate in satsangs. Initially it needed a push. I had to literally force myself to close my eyes even for 5 seconds coz of the chaos running in my mind but eventually I started enjoying it. The results were still not apparent but much of the noise had started settling down. I wasn't into any overjoyed state of happiness but peace had definitely started walking into my life. 

This continued for good fifteen-sixteen years when I finally started enjoying and reaping some benefits. The daily routined practice of my spiritual exercises and closing my eyes and sitting quietly is less of a struggle today.  But then, as they say spiritual practices take time but definitely do have the power to open the mind, nourish the heart and change the inner world. I am happy that I can say too.  

The 20 minutes investment everyday leads to a Paradigm Shift - A transcendental movement. Always to my surprise as it has happened, no matter how much of a disturbance I am in, within few minutes something magical starts to happen inside as I sit with my eyes closed. I feel opened to something way beyond my own imagination. Its a clear movement from one way of being to another. I have no idea what is it but then - for sure - there is some magic to the whole experience. It gives a state of freedom from bondage, freedom from the clutters of the mind, freedom from the chains of thoughts, freedom from the captivating needs of the body. 

Its difficult to put everything in words but to just share few experiences of this state that I enjoy :

1.I allow it to "let loose"

The focus somehow shifts to a state of Love and Bliss with washing away of all my feelings of anger, hatred or any kind of discomfort, invariably leading to Selflessness, Empathy, Generosity, Oneness and rejoicing a state of "Equanimity".

2.I reach the melting point of my own EGO without much effort. 

There is a beautiful feeling of melting, dissolving and getting lost into the space of "nothingness"- that's deeply profound. The state of "EGO" gets completely  fused.  I am Everything or I am Nothing. It's no more tight and suffocating - its in its fluid state - its flowing all over. 

3. I go beyond "I / ME / MYSELF" 

From somewhere unknown there flows a sense of "Oneness" that yields a deeper and wider perspective to Life. I take a break from the big "ME". I am no longer the big "ME" which means I am not inside the defined square of my own uptight 'Identity' any longer. Its magical - I close the mind and the entire personality dissolves. 

4. I m pulled towards the "Center"

There is a strong pull of all my attention to the center. The focus automatically moves to the point of third eye and everything seems so much in balance, so much in control, so much in peace.

5. I am flown in to a mesmerizing state of abundance leading to heartfelt gratitude

I awake to the awareness of being blessed with so much to be thankful and grateful for. There is absolutely no obsession for more Consumption and Materialism. So many times I get so overwhelmed that I have ended up with tears rolling down from my eyes, flowing over my cheeks and I come back to my senses to wipe them off.  

Inspite of having such a powerful experience, strangely enough, the effect fades slowly as the day progresses. But then as I grow I see signs and symbols that give me the proof that something beautiful is definitely happening inside and slowly but surely helping me grow and evolve. 

• An increased state of conscious awareness of staying in bliss and enjoying more moments (if not each moment) with the belief that "whatever is happening is happening for my own good".
• An increasing belief that everything happens for a reason and more often being able to surrender to my fate and accepting life as it comes. 
• Fear, Worry, Apprehensions, Anxieties, if not always, to a great extent I seem to keep them under control and act with patience. (Still a long way to go though ... I know :) ). 
• Ability to "Ignore" a lot of things happening around that I do not approve of  and not get in to a conflict zone with a desire to give it back or prove a point.
• A definite loss of interest in constantly being in the process of interpreting the actions of others and being judgmental about people but being neutral towards most situations and people today. 
• A beautiful contented feeling of being connected with self and nature and things around.
• Most importantly developing a more diluted form of my own EGO. The "Sorry", "Please" and "Thank you's" come easy and Smile flows naturally.

It seems like I have started living life again and the best part is I meet myself everyday ! 😄