It's the time again when all at home have gone to sleep and I come to my desk to pen few thoughts. I switch the table lamp on, look for my favorite pen from the pen stand, pull my diary out from the pile of book and notepads kept on the left side of my table.
The day was a hectic run as usual. I open my diary, flip the pages to reach to the bookmarked section and the page opens with today's date written on the right side corner. I look at the date and I wonder to myself "oh the first quarter of the year has already gone by".
I rub my tired eyes with both my palms, give it a light massage in circular rounds and keep my hands over it for a minute to give my eyes the warmth of my palm. My body is tired and so is my mind but for some reason refusing to accept it. It seems like still it has the world of energy to go wandering every possible corner, as if hunting for that one answer that would make it happy and it would go happily to sleep after that.
With the page in my diary open and my pen kept between the pages, I push back on the chair, lean back for support, take both my hands folded back to my head to give it a little rest. As I close my eyes, the happenings of the day goes through a jet speed movie flash. I am sitting with all the material comfort that I need, the day also went perfect but why are the gaps of ending it as a "happy day" so large and huge inside my head.
Inspite of having an all task accomplished day "why was I not happy" - was possibly the question that my mind was still on a case to find out. "After all what does the mind want to really announce loud and clear that "it is happy" ? Why is the mind always after a chase to perfection and idealism to prove myself better .
The other half of my inner self rises to a revolt -
- What would happen if I simply decide to not do anything till the time I wish to act.
- What would happen if I just accept myself with all my imperfections and stop all chase to perfectionism
- What would happen if I decide to stay in this non - idealistic world.
- What would happen if I decide to stop running after this illusionary world
Will the heavens fall really ? Will I really starve for food ? Will I actually burn down to ashes ?
And what will happen if I really "choose to just be" with all my perfections an imperfections, be in the state of "Being" and stay absorbed and soaked in the awareness of "Beingness".
Will that put my restless mind to rest a bit and smile with happiness.
I opened my eyes when I felt the sensation of two drops of tears started rolling down my cheeks from my eyes. I open my eyes to see the clock striking 12.
What an amazing 30 seconds I was. I brought myself to awareness. I pickup my pen and just wrote two words " Good night" and went to sleep peacefully with my restful mind ! 😊
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